Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Ministering from a broken heart

I feel like the past year of my life has been a great plot line for a horror/suspense film.  Yes, you get those short breaks filled with comic relief (insert my crazy toddlers here), but you still remain on the edge of your seat waiting for the next blow.  You cry out to God and trust that He is in control...that He will protect and keep...but then the unexpected happens yet again...and I'm not sure that I can take anymore.  

What do you do when you feel that strong calling on your life yet you're paralyzed?  In reality all you can do is get out of bed and try to face each new day?  How do you minister from a broken heart?  When it feels like you've already given everything?  When it really looks like all is lost?  

You just do.  That's it's all I've got.  That's my profound theological answer.  When all is lost and you can't stand up and just do it anyway.  His strength and sustenance will follow.  You will look back and see...  In the moment it looks dreary. But He is faithful always.  I wish He'd just meet me at panera for a cup of coffee and spill it...the whys, the hows, the "what the crap were you thinkings", but alas only Moses got those goods.  It's ok...I'll wait.  

And I am here still waiting
Though I still have my doubts
I am damaged at best
Like you've already figured out

I'm falling apart
I'm barely breathing
With a broken heart
That's still beating

In the pain
There is healing
In your name
I find meaning

So I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm holding on
I'm barely holding on to you  
(Lyrics by Lifehouse)

Until the next time :-), C

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