Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Wow! It has been a long time...

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!  It's been two months since I've written...I feel like a horribly distant pen pal!  Truth is that I can barely pick up the computer without my adorable little one wanting to pound with me on the it is rare that I get to sit and type.

So lets just get the truth out there...I've been struggling...A LOT.  I probably shouldn't get into all of the as not to emotionally vomit all over you.  This motherhood thing is quite a journey.  I had one of the lowest times of my life the other wasn't pretty.  And, among all of the struggle with being a mom...God has felt quite distant too.  The reason?  Larry Crabb.  No offense Larry (like he's reading this  He is a tough read for me.  I'm reading a book called "The Pressure's Off" which was recommended by a friend.  I think my view of God has been that a good word?  I'm not really enjoying the stretch either...because its confusing and makes me feel very lonely.  I know that He hasn't left...and I know that He is still the same God as always.  I know that He is trustworthy, just, patient, kind, and He still wants to comfort and bless me.  I'm just struggling to see Him in a new way.

I guess this just goes to show that we can't rely on our feelings.  We need to listen to them, but we don't let them drive our decisions.  I don't FEEL good right now...on a few levels.  But I KNOW who God is...and I have to trust that someday, perhaps the feelings will follow.

With all of that said, I think I've just lacked motivation to share my heart.  But, I promised that I would be real about my here it is!  There will be more posts to follow...hopefully not so far down the road.

Have you ever struggled with a new view of God?  What was it like?