Thursday, April 4, 2013


Ugh...I just wrote this great blog post and lost it somehow....Apparently I really needed to get it out...because it is GONE! Anyway, I've been in quite a funk for the past two days...but today I feel brand new! This journey of understanding my son is quite a roller coaster and it is interesting how seeing a doctor just unravels me! I start seeing him through the eyes of science and medicine...I perform little tests on him to see if I can rule things out (LOL), I worry about the unknown, I try to research everything...and I'm just a complete mess. But through all the worry and anxiety I could hear God reminding me of what a treasure my children are to me. When I see him through God's eyes...I see a little man who is full of compassion and spirit. I see a little man who will do amazing things for God. In addition, God has completely changed me in the past 3 1/2 years...that girl I used to be is no more! No matter how Micah may change or struggle in the future, I think understanding him and knowing him just makes me love him even more. God has given us the gift of connection and today I am feeling such joy because of it.

I have to thank you for all of your kind words. I received so many messages from friends telling me that they are walking with me and praying for our little guy. It is such a risk to put yourself out there...and I'm always fearful...but I'm thankful for your kind words and prayer. To those who have asked what I it is: Please love my son...please love my son! There is no greater joy than when I see someone enjoy Micah (and Hannah too). He requires a little patience and understanding...but when you sit on the floor and let him speak to you...your heart will grow. He will come to some hard times...when kids are cruel and people wonder why he is different. My prayer is that he will be surrounded with loving people like you who love him exactly for who he is and can see the great things that he has to offer the world.

It is a beautiful day...and I am off to enjoy it. Here's another little glimpse of my little man :)

God Bless!

Tuesday, April 2, 2013

The big bad word of the day

Today was not the best day. We took Micah to his first neurology appointment at the Cleveland Clinic. I hate taking him to the doctor. I feel like each time we go to an appointment, we return discouraged, scared, confused, sad, and usually full of more questions that when we started. It takes us a few days to reset and then we can get back to normal. Perhaps this is the normal course for trying to figure out what is wrong with your kid? The big bad word today is ATAXIA. What is it? Who knows...I'm still trying to understand. I tried my best to hear the doctor...but I was trying so hard not to cry I think my brain just kinda stopped working. According to the internet it is something really scary. The doctor is concerned enough to order an MRI and then we can see him in 4 months. Hopefully we can wait that long. I'm freaking out...I don't even know how to ask questions...I've never thought of this being quite so serious. I don't really know what to do with it...

God, I remember that you love him more than I do. I remember that none of this is a surprise to you. I remember that he is a gift from you...and I do cherish and enjoy him immensely. His smile can light up my life in an instant. Oh God, I want to keep my baby...I also don't want him to suffer. I'm not sure how to pray...God...give me strength.