Thursday, August 26, 2010

If Mamma Aint Happy...

So, yesterday I had a really good day.  My house was clean (this always helps), I got to spend time with some friends, I was well rested (thanks to my 1 year old), and I got some things accomplished.  When my husband got home, he was in a good mood as was my little one (he LOVES his daddy).  It was just a really good day.  My husband made the comment “I’m in a really good mood…I think my mood is derived from your mood…”  It’s funny, because I think I’ve noticed the same thing.  I was journaling this morning and it hit me…WOW!  What a responsibility. 

If you are a faithful reader of the finer days…you’ll know that I’ve struggled a bit lately with finding the joy in my new stage of life.  (God is doing some amazing work there).  So, needless to say, my mood isn’t always the greatest.  Especially at the end of the day when I’m tired, baby is fussy, and daddy comes home and all I want to do is leave everything and go take a nap!  But, it hit me this morning that I bear the incredible responsibility of setting the tone for my family.  Think about it…when you were little…if mom was upset, did you just go along playing and feeling calm and happy?  Probably not.  I know I didn’t.  If mom was unhappy, I was worried and unhappy as well.  Don’t get me wrong, my mom did a great job at setting the tone as best she could given all that she had to deal with.  You’ve probably heard the saying “If mamma aint happy, aint nobody happy”.  Yeah…it is probably true. 

So, here’s my new challenge.  In no way am I called to be fake and put on a smile when I’m hurting.  Perhaps I am called to set aside my stuff so that I can set a positive tone for my husband and children.  Setting aside does not equal ignoring…but not allowing it to dictate my attitude.  I heard a book review of “Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti” where they talked about how men have the ability to compartmentalize (waffle) whereas women allow things to hit them like a giant meatball landing in a bowl of spaghetti…it affects every noodle of her life.  Perhaps on this one we need to take some advice from our men? 

I was at work a while back and someone made the comment “You are always so happy and cheerful”.  I think they compared me to sunshine.  I was like “Who in the world are you talking about?”  Funny…my husband had the same reaction.  Why am I saving my optimism and joy for my coworkers and clients?  Doesn’t my family deserve it even more? 

Do you find the same thing in your home?  How do you maintain a positive attitude for your family?

Thursday, August 19, 2010


Recently I’ve had a realization about pain.  I attended a funeral for a man at our church that I really didn’t know…but my husband was leading the service and I wanted to be there to support him.  Unfortunately, I had to take my infant son…so we ended up pacing back and forth in the foyer.  I was still able to hear the majority of the testimonies about this man’s life.  I’d known of his reputation and had some loose connections with his family members.  This man was known for how much he loved God and his family.  His children and their spouses stood before the crowd weeping but laughing as they talked about how wonderful a man he was.  I found myself crying…for a man that I didn’t really know.  It got me thinking…there truly can be joy in pain and suffering.  At that moment, I had a revelation…a large majority of us are living our lives searching for ways to avoid pain!  Think about it:  we have a headache and we look for the pain killers, we go into labor and we ask for the epidural, we feel depressed or anxious and we seek counseling or try some anti-depressants or anti-anxiety meds.  I am SO not knocking these things…hear me out.  (I am loving me some epidural…let me tell you). I believe that pain is a way that our bodies (and minds) signal to us that something is wrong and needs attended to.  Without it, how would we know?  

I have had the privilege of sitting in the counseling office with many clients whose desire is to rid of the emotional (and sometimes physical) pain that they are experiencing because of various stressors.  I just wonder…could it be that God wants us to get to a place of ambivalence…having both pain and joy…so that we can learn something new?!  I find that almost daily I am admonishing a client to try to “sit with the feeling” (which is the very thing that they are attempting to avoid).  I believe that many times, the very feelings we are avoiding are the ones we need to feel more deeply in order to move past them to a place of healing.  I am absolutely in favor of medications and other forms of therapeutic interventions depending on each situation…and some people will never be able to grasp such concepts depending on their level of insight…but for many people…this is a hurdle that needs to be crossed. 

Have you ever experienced the joy amidst suffering?  

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

New Adventures

So along with my “mommy” issues, I’ve also felt a change in my Spiritual life as well.  I’m thinking that since I’m not as free to participate in Bible studies and church events (which my extroverted personality prefers)…my Spiritual life has been shoved into a more introverted style…and I’ve struggled with this tremendously.  So, I’ve been asking God for some direction and grace as I seek to know Him more through this transition.  I had a little “baby-free” time today and drove by the Christian bookstore praying that God would direct me to something that would help me right now or something that He would want me to learn.  I wandered over to the women’s interest section and ran across a number of books that seemed nice…but this one caught my eye:  “What Happened to my Life?” by Danna Demetre.  I’ve never heard of her or the book.  But how much more perfect could that title be?!  I skimmed the table of contents and the “Is this book for you?” section…and knew that this was the book for me.  So, I’m going to dive in and see what God might have in store for me…I also picked up a worship CD, WOW Worship 2010…Stay tuned for the reviews!


Sunday, August 15, 2010

Welcome to the Wonderful World of Motherhood...Encouragement is on it's way!

So recently I’ve been talking to a lot of young mothers who adore their children, love their role, but are feeling a bit lost in this newer world of motherhood.  Words used include lonely, trapped, left out, and depressed.  It is definitely a transition.  The interesting thing is that they seem to be suffering alone…well, alone with their children.  I found this interesting…and sad.  Why is it that we are ashamed to admit that we have, in a sense, lost our lives when our children came into them?  Stating this doesn’t automatically mean that we have regrets or negative feelings toward our role or our children.  It is stating the fact that we, as mothers, have undergone one of the most traumatic experiences of our lives and are now left with this person(s) to raise, influence, teach, mold, and babysit (for lack of a better word).   It is all beautiful and wonderful.  We are blessed to be called and allowed to do so.  Have I said this yet?  It is definitely a transition.  It has its downsides.   And that’s okay.

I am choosing to quit suffering alone.  I am a mother who has always wanted to be a mother, loved being pregnant, and absolutely adores her son.  Some days he drives me crazy and I long for the days when I was carefree and could jump at the drop of a hat and meet friends for lunch and a day of shopping.  Some days I get angry at my husband because he gets to go to work and I get to stay home alone and try to be productive.  At the end of the day, all I managed to do was cart my son around from high chair to bed to playtime.  

I am not only choosing to quit suffering alone.  I am choosing to quit suffering.  I am a SUPER extrovert and I believe that this part of my personality suffers by being a stay at home mom.   But, it doesn’t have to.  I think that by getting involved in some kind of community…even if it is a virtual one…accessible from the rocking chair…will help.  We need to reach out to each other and let us know that we are not alone nor are we being judged.  Life is full of transitions…and though this one is a biggie…we can and will get past it. 
So, are you with me?  Have you felt this way?  Where have you gotten your encouragement?  


So, I have to admit…this blog has been a bit boring.  It’s funny…when I thought of blogging I had all of these great ideas…but then I chickened out because I felt that I was getting too personal.  It is hard to find that line between writing from your heart with sincerity and perhaps some confidence, and telling too much info.  But, I feel like there is a part of me that is dying to just let it all out…so I am giving it a try.  It is, after all, my blog…