I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! It's been two months since I've written...I feel like a horribly distant pen pal! Truth is that I can barely pick up the computer without my adorable little one wanting to pound with me on the keyboard...so it is rare that I get to sit and type.
So lets just get the truth out there...I've been struggling...A LOT. I probably shouldn't get into all of the details...so as not to emotionally vomit all over you. This motherhood thing is quite a journey. I had one of the lowest times of my life the other night...wow...it wasn't pretty. And, among all of the struggle with being a mom...God has felt quite distant too. The reason? Larry Crabb. No offense Larry (like he's reading this blog...lol). He is a tough read for me. I'm reading a book called "The Pressure's Off" which was recommended by a friend. I think my view of God has been stretched...is that a good word? I'm not really enjoying the stretch either...because its confusing and makes me feel very lonely. I know that He hasn't left...and I know that He is still the same God as always. I know that He is trustworthy, just, patient, kind, and He still wants to comfort and bless me. I'm just struggling to see Him in a new way.
I guess this just goes to show that we can't rely on our feelings. We need to listen to them, but we don't let them drive our decisions. I don't FEEL good right now...on a few levels. But I KNOW who God is...and I have to trust that someday, perhaps the feelings will follow.
With all of that said, I think I've just lacked motivation to share my heart. But, I promised that I would be real about my journey...so here it is! There will be more posts to follow...hopefully not so far down the road.
Have you ever struggled with a new view of God? What was it like?