Thursday, February 14, 2013


I saw this quote today.  I'm struggling with this...not because I don't accept my son...but because I'm trying so hard to figure him out.  He has become my full time job.  I think my frustration increases because deep down my fear is triggered each time he struggles.  My 2 year old is progressing wonderfully.  I'm so excited for her and I'm so proud of her but I have to admit that my heart breaks every time she does something that her big brother can't.  How do I support both of my children when their needs are so incredibly different?  Do I cheer her on as she soars through the air on the trampoline while Micah watches...knowing that he can't even jump?  When does this fear go away?  I feel like understanding him is the key to parenting him...but perhaps I need to work on just accepting him for right now?  I'm sure that a lot of parents go through this.  

Next week we see his developmental pediatrician to follow up hopefully gain some more understanding.  We were able to schedule an appointment with a highly recommended pediatric neurologist for April...I'm actually really looking forward to that appointment.  Yesterday I fired one of his therapists because I had an unsettled feeling about it after 3 sessions.  I tried to be professional...I practiced using kind words that were honest but gentle.  In the end, I may have hurt the person's feelings...but I have to listen to that intuition...I believe that God uses that feeling to tell me things.  In the end, I feel a huge relief to be done with it...and God gave me a glimpse of a new opportunity that may be possible in the near future with Micah's therapy.  

I'm reading this book with a group of ladies that God brought to my life at just the right time.  The book is Unglued:  Making Wise Choices in the Midst of Raw Emotions by Lysa TerKeurst.  One of the things that we're learning is how we usually deal with conflict by exploding or stuffing...I was tempted to stuff yesterday for fear of hurting someone even though inside I was struggling.  The goal is to balance honesty with Godliness...hopefully I did that even though the person may have been hurt.  

Ugh...I need a spa day...

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