Saturday, January 15, 2011

Don't worry, He can handle me

So, hopefully you noticed that my blog got a makeover.  If you didn’t…perhaps you’ve had a week like me and you need a night out.  (Call me and we’ll get together).  Anyway, I will probably change my blog’s looks like I rearrange rooms in my house…often.  Ask my old college roommate…the room changed often and usually in the wee hours of the morning when I was supposed to be writing a paper…I often talked her into cutting my hair too but that’s a completely different story…LOL!  So, HI!  I know it’s been a while.  I’ve got a few ideas for blog posts but never the energy/motivation/time away from little fingers wanting to touch the keyboard to do it.  One of these days I’ll get around to it.  To catch you up on the life of Christy, I am currently 2 ½ weeks away from popping out my second baby…it’s a girl…and I couldn’t be more excited…and terrified.  Your prayers are greatly appreciated.  I also just completed the last big step in securing my career (just in time for my second maternity leave), I passed my state board exam.  These are good times...and...

Yesterday was a tough day…I had a few choice words with God about it.  Don’t worry, He can handle me.  The truth is that I am truly a blessed woman.  I have pretty much everything a gal could want…but I struggle with one thing…well I struggle with a lot of things, but this one particular thing makes me feel completely stuck.  My choice words to God were…um…what am I supposed to be learning in this?!  Didn’t you say that you’d give me a way out?  It really doesn’t seem like there is a way out of this one.  (Side note…Did you guys hear Pastor Jim’s sermon last week?  He talked about prayer…I don’t remember the specific titles he used but he talked about selfish prayers and I think it shook all of us up…cuz we all pray those).  Why am I telling you this?  Well, I had this moment where I was like…I’m angry and frustrated and I really wanted to just say it all to God…but it won't sound pretty or respectful.  I didn't want to blame God, I wasn’t questioning who He is, or challenging His will…I was just being real…right?  Doesn’t God already know what is in my heart?  Could it be that He is glorified all the more when I speak it to Him trusting that He can handle me? So...I did. I gave it to him.  If I would've been alone I probably would've yelled.  Instead, I just shredded my journal with my pen.  I gave it to Him...raw, yucky, and true.  

I didn’t have any earth-shattering revelations from God after my time of “spewage”…that wasn’t what I was expecting really.  It was cleansing.  I felt like I was able to empty all of the crap that I was carrying…but I didn’t have to do it in a King James Version-type speech to God. In the end, I was left with this… “my grace is sufficient for you, my strength is made perfect in your weakness.”  (2 Cor. 12:9)  Yeah, I really didn’t want to hear that…I already know it.  But, it is true.  And, regardless of what I feel in the moment I have to once again remember that He is greater than I am…and I’d rather struggle and know the truth than to struggle lost and alone. 

I’m currently having the urge to re-paint my living room…

1 comment:

  1. *I love that verse.
    *Congratulations on your exam!!
    *You are going to be an awesome Mom to two sweet babies. You already are.
    *If you need time off, time to vent, whatever, give me a call. It is our turn afterall! And I pledge to listen and only give advise or opinions if you want it. ;)