He's making something new...again

The smell of Desitin fills my brain as I think back on my day of horrible diaper rash, a day of horrible, painful screams, and a recovering ear infection of my little man, Micah.  It started at 5:30am, and we didn’t make it to church.  I was dressed and almost ready, then just dropped everything and decided to stay home at watch Pearl Harbor…sacrilegious?  Irreverent?  Perhaps…I don’t know.  I just know that I didn’t have the energy to get it all together and show up (very late…I might add after realizing all that I still had to do to get there).  To add to it, I’m feeling more and more like a crippled old woman…being almost 8 months pregnant and sore all over!  (Don’t worry, the point of this post is not to whine and complain…I’m getting somewhere).  So I’ve had some time to reflect after baby was put to bed (quite easily…thank you Lord) and Daniel was back at the church.  The thing that popped into mind was on Thanksgiving day, after I completed and ate my first complete Thanksgiving dinner and was feeling quite sore.  Micah was attempting to nap…but it wasn’t going well.  I went to his room to practice the “Sleep Lady Shuffle” (I will talk about this in a future post…great book about sleep issues and children) and sat in my rocking chair to calm him and wait for him to go back to sleep.  While rocking…the most amazing contentment and calm rushed over me.  (I don’t EVER feel that way when I’m trying to help Micah sleep…normally it is straight ANXIETY and feelings of failure).  All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was just to be there…watching my son sleep and the sudden urge came to pray for a few specific needs of people in my life.  The point is, that God showed up…there in that dark room filled with lullabies and the sound of rain…though I’ve been struggling with Him and trying to find my place in this new phase of my life called motherhood…He came.  I knew He would…wasn’t sure when.  So tonight, it occurred to me that He is making something new in me…again.  Just when I felt that I had things under control, my world was flipped…as it turns out, He’s still working on me.  

Wow! It has been a long time...

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!  It's been two months since I've written...I feel like a horribly distant pen pal!  Truth is that I can barely pick up the computer without my adorable little one wanting to pound with me on the keyboard...so it is rare that I get to sit and type.

So lets just get the truth out there...I've been struggling...A LOT.  I probably shouldn't get into all of the details...so as not to emotionally vomit all over you.  This motherhood thing is quite a journey.  I had one of the lowest times of my life the other night...wow...it wasn't pretty.  And, among all of the struggle with being a mom...God has felt quite distant too.  The reason?  Larry Crabb.  No offense Larry (like he's reading this blog...lol).  He is a tough read for me.  I'm reading a book called "The Pressure's Off" which was recommended by a friend.  I think my view of God has been stretched...is that a good word?  I'm not really enjoying the stretch either...because its confusing and makes me feel very lonely.  I know that He hasn't left...and I know that He is still the same God as always.  I know that He is trustworthy, just, patient, kind, and He still wants to comfort and bless me.  I'm just struggling to see Him in a new way.

I guess this just goes to show that we can't rely on our feelings.  We need to listen to them, but we don't let them drive our decisions.  I don't FEEL good right now...on a few levels.  But I KNOW who God is...and I have to trust that someday, perhaps the feelings will follow.

With all of that said, I think I've just lacked motivation to share my heart.  But, I promised that I would be real about my journey...so here it is!  There will be more posts to follow...hopefully not so far down the road.

Have you ever struggled with a new view of God?  What was it like?

If Mamma Aint Happy...

So, yesterday I had a really good day.  My house was clean (this always helps), I got to spend time with some friends, I was well rested (thanks to my 1 year old), and I got some things accomplished.  When my husband got home, he was in a good mood as was my little one (he LOVES his daddy).  It was just a really good day.  My husband made the comment “I’m in a really good mood…I think my mood is derived from your mood…”  It’s funny, because I think I’ve noticed the same thing.  I was journaling this morning and it hit me…WOW!  What a responsibility. 

If you are a faithful reader of the finer days…you’ll know that I’ve struggled a bit lately with finding the joy in my new stage of life.  (God is doing some amazing work there).  So, needless to say, my mood isn’t always the greatest.  Especially at the end of the day when I’m tired, baby is fussy, and daddy comes home and all I want to do is leave everything and go take a nap!  But, it hit me this morning that I bear the incredible responsibility of setting the tone for my family.  Think about it…when you were little…if mom was upset, did you just go along playing and feeling calm and happy?  Probably not.  I know I didn’t.  If mom was unhappy, I was worried and unhappy as well.  Don’t get me wrong, my mom did a great job at setting the tone as best she could given all that she had to deal with.  You’ve probably heard the saying “If mamma aint happy, aint nobody happy”.  Yeah…it is probably true. 

So, here’s my new challenge.  In no way am I called to be fake and put on a smile when I’m hurting.  Perhaps I am called to set aside my stuff so that I can set a positive tone for my husband and children.  Setting aside does not equal ignoring…but not allowing it to dictate my attitude.  I heard a book review of “Men are Like Waffles, Women are Like Spaghetti” where they talked about how men have the ability to compartmentalize (waffle) whereas women allow things to hit them like a giant meatball landing in a bowl of spaghetti…it affects every noodle of her life.  Perhaps on this one we need to take some advice from our men? 

I was at work a while back and someone made the comment “You are always so happy and cheerful”.  I think they compared me to sunshine.  I was like “Who in the world are you talking about?”  Funny…my husband had the same reaction.  Why am I saving my optimism and joy for my coworkers and clients?  Doesn’t my family deserve it even more? 

Do you find the same thing in your home?  How do you maintain a positive attitude for your family?