Praying for Patience

I've always heard that you should never pray for patience for fear that God would actually allow you to be in a situation where you would have to be patient.  Recently I have needed an extra dose of patience and that"theory" has entered my mind.  However, I've been thinking...what is the problem if God allows me to do that very thing? Isn't that what I'm asking?  I need to learn how to wait.  Yes, it may be difficult and I may not enjoy it all that much.  I'm trusting that on the other side I will have been stretched and I won't be so afraid to ask next time...

He's making something new...again

The smell of Desitin fills my brain as I think back on my day of horrible diaper rash, a day of horrible, painful screams, and a recovering ear infection of my little man, Micah.  It started at 5:30am, and we didn’t make it to church.  I was dressed and almost ready, then just dropped everything and decided to stay home at watch Pearl Harbor…sacrilegious?  Irreverent?  Perhaps…I don’t know.  I just know that I didn’t have the energy to get it all together and show up (very late…I might add after realizing all that I still had to do to get there).  To add to it, I’m feeling more and more like a crippled old woman…being almost 8 months pregnant and sore all over!  (Don’t worry, the point of this post is not to whine and complain…I’m getting somewhere).  So I’ve had some time to reflect after baby was put to bed (quite easily…thank you Lord) and Daniel was back at the church.  The thing that popped into mind was on Thanksgiving day, after I completed and ate my first complete Thanksgiving dinner and was feeling quite sore.  Micah was attempting to nap…but it wasn’t going well.  I went to his room to practice the “Sleep Lady Shuffle” (I will talk about this in a future post…great book about sleep issues and children) and sat in my rocking chair to calm him and wait for him to go back to sleep.  While rocking…the most amazing contentment and calm rushed over me.  (I don’t EVER feel that way when I’m trying to help Micah sleep…normally it is straight ANXIETY and feelings of failure).  All of a sudden, all I wanted to do was just to be there…watching my son sleep and the sudden urge came to pray for a few specific needs of people in my life.  The point is, that God showed up…there in that dark room filled with lullabies and the sound of rain…though I’ve been struggling with Him and trying to find my place in this new phase of my life called motherhood…He came.  I knew He would…wasn’t sure when.  So tonight, it occurred to me that He is making something new in me…again.  Just when I felt that I had things under control, my world was flipped…as it turns out, He’s still working on me.  

Wow! It has been a long time...

I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry!  It's been two months since I've written...I feel like a horribly distant pen pal!  Truth is that I can barely pick up the computer without my adorable little one wanting to pound with me on the keyboard...so it is rare that I get to sit and type.

So lets just get the truth out there...I've been struggling...A LOT.  I probably shouldn't get into all of the details...so as not to emotionally vomit all over you.  This motherhood thing is quite a journey.  I had one of the lowest times of my life the other night...wow...it wasn't pretty.  And, among all of the struggle with being a mom...God has felt quite distant too.  The reason?  Larry Crabb.  No offense Larry (like he's reading this blog...lol).  He is a tough read for me.  I'm reading a book called "The Pressure's Off" which was recommended by a friend.  I think my view of God has been stretched...is that a good word?  I'm not really enjoying the stretch either...because its confusing and makes me feel very lonely.  I know that He hasn't left...and I know that He is still the same God as always.  I know that He is trustworthy, just, patient, kind, and He still wants to comfort and bless me.  I'm just struggling to see Him in a new way.

I guess this just goes to show that we can't rely on our feelings.  We need to listen to them, but we don't let them drive our decisions.  I don't FEEL good right now...on a few levels.  But I KNOW who God is...and I have to trust that someday, perhaps the feelings will follow.

With all of that said, I think I've just lacked motivation to share my heart.  But, I promised that I would be real about my journey...so here it is!  There will be more posts to follow...hopefully not so far down the road.

Have you ever struggled with a new view of God?  What was it like?

The Top Ten Things...I love about my parents

I've been appreciating my parents a whole lot more than ever now that I am a parent.  I know that I am a new parent...but as I think ahead of the things to come in my journey, I want to recongize how wonderful my parents are and how much I love them.  So...the the top ten things I love about my parents:

10.  They sacrificed to make sure that I had all of the opportunites to turn out okay. 
9.  They have a really good work ethic.
8.  They taught me to love God, to glorify Him with my life, and to know how to recognize the Holy Spirit's work in my life.
7.  They babysit my son.
6.  They love God.
5.  They have a lot of experience with a lot of different things and I ask them for advice...a lot.
4.  My mom can cook, bake, or sew anything. 
3.  My dad can fix anything.
2.  They taught me the value of family.
1.  They love me and my family.