I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry! It's been two months since I've written...I feel like a horribly distant pen pal! Truth is that I can barely pick up the computer without my adorable little one wanting to pound with me on the keyboard...so it is rare that I get to sit and type.
So lets just get the truth out there...I've been struggling...A LOT. I probably shouldn't get into all of the details...so as not to emotionally vomit all over you. This motherhood thing is quite a journey. I had one of the lowest times of my life the other night...wow...it wasn't pretty. And, among all of the struggle with being a mom...God has felt quite distant too. The reason? Larry Crabb. No offense Larry (like he's reading this blog...lol). He is a tough read for me. I'm reading a book called "The Pressure's Off" which was recommended by a friend. I think my view of God has been stretched...is that a good word? I'm not really enjoying the stretch either...because its confusing and makes me feel very lonely. I know that He hasn't left...and I know that He is still the same God as always. I know that He is trustworthy, just, patient, kind, and He still wants to comfort and bless me. I'm just struggling to see Him in a new way.
I guess this just goes to show that we can't rely on our feelings. We need to listen to them, but we don't let them drive our decisions. I don't FEEL good right now...on a few levels. But I KNOW who God is...and I have to trust that someday, perhaps the feelings will follow.
With all of that said, I think I've just lacked motivation to share my heart. But, I promised that I would be real about my journey...so here it is! There will be more posts to follow...hopefully not so far down the road.
Have you ever struggled with a new view of God? What was it like?
I have struggled in the past with my view of God, His ability to destroy evil, and His refusal to destroy it yet. This is especially hard when it involves my own pain.
ReplyDeleteI love you honey. Thanks for being real.