Today was not the best day. We took Micah to his first neurology appointment at the Cleveland Clinic. I hate taking him to the doctor. I feel like each time we go to an appointment, we return discouraged, scared, confused, sad, and usually full of more questions that when we started. It takes us a few days to reset and then we can get back to normal. Perhaps this is the normal course for trying to figure out what is wrong with your kid? The big bad word today is ATAXIA. What is it? Who knows...I'm still trying to understand. I tried my best to hear the doctor...but I was trying so hard not to cry I think my brain just kinda stopped working. According to the internet it is something really scary. The doctor is concerned enough to order an MRI and then we can see him in 4 months. Hopefully we can wait that long. I'm freaking out...I don't even know how to ask questions...I've never thought of this being quite so serious. I don't really know what to do with it...
God, I remember that you love him more than I do. I remember that none of this is a surprise to you. I remember that he is a gift from you...and I do cherish and enjoy him immensely. His smile can light up my life in an instant. Oh God, I want to keep my baby...I also don't want him to suffer. I'm not sure how to pray...God...give me strength.
I can't imagine going through what you guys must be feeling. Please know that you all are in my prayers. Love and hugs.
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