Mothering

My 2 1/2 year old son Micah is one of the cutest, most charming, craziest kids you'll ever meet.  He is absolutely adorable.  He has a smile that will drop you to your knees.  I love him dearly.  He also experiences his emotions on two levels: zero or ONE HUNDRED.  There is no in-between.  I guess he's kinda like his momma...I can't lie. When I'm happy, I'm HAPPY.  When I'm sad, I'm SAD.  When I'm mad, I'm SUPER PISSED!  So, what is that feeling when you've given your child the worst things about yourself?  Sadness?  Regret?  Frustration?  Micah and I started butting heads when he was the ripe old age of 10 months old.  I believe that was when he decided to stop taking naps and instead scream for hours...HOURS.  Those were not fun days...and they seemed to last for eternity!  And, the counselor in me is already regretting the fact that we will probably butt heads until he is well into adulthood.  He's an awesome sleeper now, but anytime he doesn't get his way he stretches as long as he can stretch, tenses every muscle in his body and screams as long and as loud as he can.

This is no cute scream...this is a demonic, wretched scream from the pit of hell.  He just has an all out meltdown.  (This is usually followed by little 13 month old Hannah walking over to him, bending over and "yelling" in his face...).  This episode triggers my anger like none other.  I HATE tantrums.  And, I don't always show up the way that I want to.  Where does that little thing called "patience" come from?  How do you put aside all of the horribleness that is raging inside of you and respond calmly and lovingly to your adorable child?  It can only be a miracle...that's for sure.  I wish it didn't have to be so hard...but I guess it's for my good.  I pray that God will continue to redeem the brokenness that comes as a result of my showing up less than Christlike to my children...and that somehow soon they will see Jesus for who He is...the Perfect Parent.